Breath....

Last night slept a full 8 hours which felt incredible!

I was just talking to one of the nurses Emily, who is really cool, about the joy of working really hard then enjoying your benefits. Like going out for a nice dinner, going shopping at Whole Foods, wearing nice clothes, being able to pay to travel, and give to others.

She and I were discussing how pissed we get when "homeless" 20 year old vagabonners in America are looking for handouts. Train hoppers of the USA living off of others hospitality when all they want to do is sit around in the sunshine, smoke pot, and play guitar. There are a whole group of them that come up here to Fort Collins, because of the vibes, arts, and life music. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against that lifestyle, if you want to support yourself and live that way, be my guest! That sounds like a great life! Yet realize when you're a bum, walking around, you still effect others, and realize you might end up in someones face...not everyone likes the smell of bum, especially if you are looking for someone else to "wipe your butt," and give you money to live like a bum all over again. Dude- get a freaking job! You aren't homeless!!! Stop kidding yourself and thinking you are!

Ah well, I got up this morning laced up my shoes for a nice run in the sunshine, birds singing, and morning air fresh as ever! Slept like a baby last night, and legs felt strong and alive as they cut through the pine scented air.

I came back for some weight lifting, then hopped in the cool shower, spraying wild sweet orange on my skin, and having bible study with Chai. This is the 12 day in a row of working straight- yet today I worked at the front desk. The days I work at the front I get to greet people, answer phones, make Dr's appointments, and paperwork. It's very relaxing and fun! The 4 hour day went by fast!
I biked back home slept for 2 hours, woke up refreshed, and headed out on my bike to Whole Foods. The fridge consisted of 4 apples I had stolen off an apple tree on campus by the scientific research station- which have been tasting delish! (keep wondering if they are experimental...) I also had 1 tilapia fillet, 2 peaches and 2 hard boiled eggs.

The past week and half I have been living off of hard boiled eggs, hummus, and fruit. Time for a grocery trip- eggs start to taste old after awhile... :).

I headed down the main alley on CSU, clouds starting to look gray like rain, and the sky getting dark. I felt extremely aware of all the elements around me. Today was a fantastic day! I felt healthy, successful, and nourished. Sleep, diet, exercise, God, in balance are all parts of a healthy lifestyle.

I parked and locked my bike outside of whole foods, went in and started picking out food for the week. Cucumbers, tomato, garlic, and onion for Raita- Local peaches and watermelon were on sale...WAhOO! The spinach, yogurt, a sweet potato, sprouted tofu, and cottage cheese. My shopping was done, I went to the check out, and as soon as I finished packing my backpack, it started pouring rain!
Wow! It was raining so hard outside I stayed in the store at one of their tables watching the rain waiting for it to let up a bit, and watching families run inside completely soaked! How fun!
It was sprinkling some, but I jumped on my bike, and headed back on the bike trail back to my apartment. I got back inside, started some lentils, then started studying.

I am taking a nutrition class, and studying Algebra because I'm trying to refresh my math skills. Since I took a year off of school, I need to brush up on math! Major need! I studied for about 2 hours- relaxed and went out to check my mail. The rain had stopped, the sky was still super gray and cool. Lightning shot through the sky. I opened up the lid to the black box labeled 2#, and saw a post card had arrived from Hong Kong.

My good friend Keith is there traveling on business, and going to Thailand for a mission trip. How special to get a card in the mail! I think I sent one to him when I was in India, or Thailand- can't remember which one... He is such a man of God! That totally made my day!

I came back inside, had a simple meal of grains and Indian dahl and watched a movie. Ahhhh.... the feeling of relaxation!
Wow! Feels so great!!! After a long hard week of work, and ahhh..... This is so wonderful! This is who I am- I love to cook, run, hike, meet new people, dance, play piano, sing in the rain, go on long walks, create art, journal, write, learn, and talk to God, read, bike, work out super hard, swim in lakes, and share a bottle of wine. There will only be one me! There will only be one you.

I praise God for bringing me this far! For teaching me life isn't about just seeking your own destiny, but helping others finding theirs as well. For teaching me life is about a balance of enjoyment, sharing, loving and working hard. Work fulfills the human. Work teaches us to persevere. Encourages new character growth. Helps shine light on places in our heart that are disgusting we didn't even know about. Helps refine our path, and gives us opportunities for patience.
Sometimes at work I feel trapped, and closed in. Like I MUST be at my job- yet I realize that is exactly how Satan wants me to feel. God says "I gave you hands to work with, I gave you a job to provide for you, I'm letting you live in Colorado because I care about you're desires, I want you to be happy, I want you to follow me, I am giving you opportunities to shine your light to others, This life is about caring for others just as I have cared for you."

I was reading today in Psalms how open and free David talks with God. Sometimes I feel inferior to talk with the living GOD. God is kind of intimidating sometimes! Just to think he CREATED me! I can create some mighty fine chocolate mouse, or make a garden, or draw a picture, yet he created a living and breathing animal! He created the cow to make the milk to make the yogurt to make me strong to make the chocolate mouse! HOW mind boggling is that!?

A funny thought passed my mind today. How come David didn't know Jesus, yet he had complete fellowship with GOD? Jesus hadn't even come to die for our sins in David's time. Yet back them God required that in payment for our sins- humans make an animal sacrifice shed it's blood, to cover the sin they had committed. God says that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. There is no way we can have fellowship with such a holy perfect GOD! Because the payment for our sins is death. But we don't have to kill animals anymore, say 100 hail Mary's, or beat our self up for past sins we have committed. God says if we confess with our mouths that Jesus is Lord, and believe in our heart Jesus died for our sins, we will be saved. See, God is a God of justice, he knows what we deserve- yet he is also a God of mercy- so he gives us what we do not deserve. A second chance.
FORGIVENESS- ahh.... that word washes over my heart like the fresh rain today. I don't have to try to strive to gain holiness- because holiness is impossible!
I want to talk with God, I want to be in his presence! Yet the only way is through the blood of Jesus. I have to die to myself, to my sinful nature, my sinful desires, and my wants and ways, and embrace the cross of Jesus.
Only then through his FORGIVENESS, is FREEDOM found. This is our joy, that we can leave it ALL at the cross.. and follow Jesus. Because he is the way of LIFE!!

The fact that I don't have to be afraid of being persecuted for being believer in JESUS is one of the blessings of being an American citizen. In this country people are free to believe what they want. And I truly understand that now after traveling and seeing how many wars are started just over relegion.

The hymn, We Are Standing on Holy Ground- sums up the glory of having a living relationship with the God of freedom and love. "We are standing, on holy ground, and I know that there are angels all around, let us praise Jesus now, we are standing in his presence on holy ground."

Wow God! What else is left to say when I am in HIS word and understand how great he is!


Pictures to come soon of my new apartment, and life in Colorado!