Winter frost coming out my nose...

It's official people.
I do not know how to take care of myself.
I feel- as if- I'm going mad.
I now think in cartoon, and my conscience sounds like the voice of daffy duck. No laughing. I have these uncontrollable night sweats, which have provided me with the luxury of skipping my morning shower- since my hair, body, and blankets are already soaking wet. My hands are shaking, and when I hold them to stop- my elbows shake. I feel like I'm on a constant high of adrenaline with the ability to combine peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers into a word like supercalifragisticespialidoshis.

Today when teaching I started coughing uncontrollably and had to cancel the last 10minutes of class. I took an elevator down one flight of stairs. I literally keep pulling out handfuls of my hair. Sometimes I think it feels good to smack myself in the forehead with the back of my notebook.

I went to the doctor yesterday. Walking up the the hospital I felt like I was being a wimp. To help with support, daffy duck, (my new conscience) started counseling me. Jena, you only have a cold. Get a grip- tough it out. You don't need medicine.
I walked through the doors ignoring the voice in my head. The hospital was clean. Small, white, open space, and an examining room across the hall. Someone told William and I to take a seat.

William is from Manipor, North East India. He is the driver for YWAM. I asked him if he thought I needed to be here. He must have heard D. D. quacking through the holes in my brain because they began to pair up. "You just have a cold. Besides it's monsoon season, everyone gets a cold now." Thank you William.
(Okay folks. This is not my first cold. I have had a cold before. I know what a cold feels like. And this does not feel like a cold. Besides, I the past 2 days I have had a cough.
When I start coughing I feel like I'm going to see my lungs come out my mouth in front of me. I was supposed to leave tomorrow evening to go up to the mountains. Yet- I am not ready to deal with the Indian guys, dangers, noises, people- actually, on second thought I'm not ready to deal with anything! I am a mess.)
We were called into the exam room and a lady asked me to stick a cold thermometer under my armpit. No temperature. This doctor then asked me how long I had been coughing, listened to me breath a couple times, then wrote me a prescription, and sent me out. We walked out the small room and across the hall to pay. Suddenly, caravaning down the isle was a motionless linen mummy on top of a gurney being pushed by a team of medical staff. One of the men looked at me, smiled, and said "good-day." He acted as if he were pushing his child down the isle in a candy shop, not a large white body stabilized on a rickety metal frame creaking past. Donald started to quack some words into my ear.

I had now focused my attention on a nurse suturing a man's hand laying in an open waiting room. The man's eyes shot at me as he winced in pain. Ouch! However, forgetting the man's painful estate, I remembered how much I love to watch people suture. We left the hospital, went to a pharmacy, ran a couple errands, then came back to Silver City. On the way in the car William told me raw vegetables and fruit are bad for my body, and sitting in the sun for 10 minutes is so dangerous. Little steps I have taken in the past to protect my health were shot down one by one like criminals in a line up.
Today when I had to escuse myself from class to control my coughing, (then afterwards, couldn't stop and felt like puking out my guts) came to the conclusion, I don't know how to take care of my body here in India. Advice that I didn't want to hear- I'm listening to now. I'm just eating what's provided for me, and shooting for 7 hours of sleep a night. I just wish my elbows would stop shaking when I'm trying to type. Sam agreed I need to have a blood test. I feel like I can't make any decisions. What the heck is wrong with me!?

I have everything I need, clothes, food, bed, sunshine. And more than I could want. I have God to comfort me, and protect me, and friends to support me. I have no worries. Everything is check, double check! Occasionally I'll break out into fact giving tandams like I've turned into a human computer because I can't think about anything except what I've memorized in the past. Uhh! This suuucckkss.


Measles mumps mose,
no body knows- he licks his toes, and picks his nose.
That my friend Joe, he's got to go-
and never return. Ever.