Express yourself.

Isn't paper a wonderful thing? White, crisp, clean, begging you to start again, promising new beginnings, and longing to hear the stories of your past.

I am coming to realize how important it is to express yourself. To get out your feelings, thoughts, and unspoken words. To describe exactly who you are, how you feel, and realize you are the person who is writing, accepting that these words come from your heart and define who you are.

Many times after having a stroke, patients loose the ability to speak and express, how they are feeling, what they are thinking, and what they want and need. We have to rely on their physical expressions to interpret pain, needs, and desires.
For example, one of the stroke victims I was working with would start laughing at the most inappropriate times. When asked a question, her yes' and No's, and explanations sounded like a mix of German and pig Latin. She just looked into my eyes with this longing, to get the message across. Frustration, discouragement. Sometimes she would let out a big sigh- like she knew she wasn't making sense.

I came home so thankful that I COULD speak, I CAN say what I want, what I need, how I am feeling, how I am dealing with my emotions, disappointments, thoughts, passions, worries, loves, and concerns. I think words are my love language. If someone doesn't take the time to listen to me, I get hurt or offended. I express love to others by writing poems, music, encouraging them, and singing. There must be a reason I was made this way. I can feel it in my soul.

People express who they are through their lifestyles, by their choice of clothes, workplace, free time, food, means of transportation, beliefs, and what they do with their money. These are all outward signs visible to others as to who the person is, and where they want to be. Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in expressing myself through my lifestyle- I forget to stop, breath, and really express WHO I am, HERE and NOW.
So here is a brief example of "free journaling." You just start by spilling your guts, use adjectives, include stories. There are no rules. Just one crisp white sheet of paper.... here I go.


My body feels amazing. I feel a little tired, relaxed, reflective, and ready for rest. I have been working every day this week, through the weekend, and Christmas which is already low staffed. I love my job and get recharged mentally by going and doing what I love- which is helping others- so mentally I am recharged, but physically I am tired. I ran today for 30mintues, in a nearby nature spot, crunching the snow, soaking up the sunshine, and enjoying being out in the daylight for once. I feel very thankful, and awed by beauties of nature. Radio is not enjoyable. While the music is playing, my mind drifts in the background and I start chugging along on the thought train, start to worry, or distance myself from the present. I'd rather listen to the sound of the small bird whistling her tune in the tall snowy pine tree towering above me. I enjoy taking care of my body. Taking time to do small things. Reading for enjoyment, stretching for health, and drinking green tea. I went into work today for a 3 hour meeting which was so inspirational- learning the WHY behind my job in acute rehab. Hands on practice rolling someone in bed with hip precautions, sternal, and spinal precautions. I felt a little tired, yet mentally charged because I enjoy learning.

We were talking about the controlled stimulation "rancho" program for traumatic brain injuries. How when someone has a traumatic brain injury, sidereal hematomia, or brain trauma, they sometimes lack the ability to filter stimulation.

For example, bright lights, noise, urgency to urinate, pain, television, family, and questions of any kind are very overwhelming to them. They are highly sensitive to all of this stimulus and can't filter one out, to focus on someone talking to them. The clinical nurse specialist was very knowledgeable and it was refreshing watching her teach, asking her questions, and getting to practice hands on.
The drive home was amazing. Snowy peaks, dark green pine trees, and big golden clouds drifting West. The wind picked up, and blew ghost snow snakes across the road in "S" shapes.
I feel very dreaming. Got my car cleaned out- know that I have a full tank of gas. Came home drank alot of water, and made a wholesome dinner of whole grain roti with muesli, red leaf lettuce, carrot, cucumber, onion, and kale salad with avocado, garlic and pepper on top. 2 tablespoons of warm garbanzo's doused in olive oil, garlic, and lemon juice- smashed into a chunky paste. A capriese salad with tofu marinated in lemon juice, tomato and pesto overnight, and small pieces of wholegrain English muffin crumbles all garnished with cucumber. My body feels happy- and tired. I have a couple mental boxes open of things I need to do- like wash my clothes, study Nutrition, and prepare for tomorrow. But besides that, I am very content with where I am, and the choices I made today.
Very thankful for good food, good job, great apartment, living in Colorado, in the mountains, and a great car to get around. Wonderful friends, family, opportunities to live, and serve, and love. Thankful that this life is not IT, but a mere reflection of what is to come- (the good parts anyway). And that my happiness is not dependent on stuff- but the joy that resides in me like a bubbling spring is knowing Jesus is my savior, that his life and death set me free from the chains of sin, and that God loves me and will never leave me. Thank you God!
Ah, it feels so good to write exactly how I am feeling, what I am thinking- yes it takes time, yet once you've expressed yourself, you know yourself deeper- and others can know you deeper too. There is a comfort, and a peace in being honest with exactly how you are feeling, and what you're thinking. To express who you are, is freedom! To appreciate who another person IS,(not who you want them to be) is love. To appreciate and reflect on your uniqueness, (your gimmicks, your weird habits, your likes, your dislikes, your inspirations, your righteous anger, your hates, your convictions, your heritage, yourself, your personality...) is a celebration.

Life is a choice in which you can do the things you love, obscene from the things you hate, do hard things to bring you closer to a goal, and love on others who are choosing to live along side with you.
It comes down to your convictions, your choices, your drive to keep on keeping on. I guess this is your frame of reference. Next time you are getting ready to step into a situation- think of this force field around you. This is the energy you are, and you bring to the world around you. You are a conduit, and life flows in, around, and through you.

It starts with expressing who you are, (with words, music, lifestyle, art), which puts who you are in mentally and physically in front of you, where you can appreciate what you see, and others who can appreciate what your about.