Slowly I turn

Many times a day I forget how a healthy lifestyle is a combination and unification of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. One category cannot override or discriminate another; otherwise the body will feel certain effects of the disrupted homeostasis. I find it very healing for my mind to step back and recap everything I am feeling and thinking in a day. There are so many new things I'm learning and experiencing. These new things are the cultural norm, so at times I feel abnormal and feel as if I'm going insane.

But journaling helps me keep things in perspective and realize I'm perfectly okay, and I'm just adapting, and soaking in everything around me. Writing seems to separate me from what's going on, and what has happened. Sometimes I am against writing things down and journaling because I don't want to be separated from the energy, people and things around me. If I am always writing and recording- I am nothing less than a verbal photographer, placing a lens or a wall between me and my surroundings. Yet, at the end of the day in order to let my mind rest- I find it is vital to my mental health to journal or blog. So here I am once again.



Friday night we had a woman’s bible study meeting with the YWAM staff. The lesson was on the role of a woman. At first I was excited to learn more about myself as a woman, and my role in this life, but as the women talked, I learned the view of how women are treated here is so completely backwards.

The role of a woman was described as being a submissive dog, not to be a leader, quiet, obedient, and even compared to dirt- versatile and can be taken anywhere. I found myself getting extremely angry at the absence of truth.
Women are independents dam it! We are strong. God's beautiful masterpiece, created with a purpose, the cherished salt of the earth, light of the world, creative leaders, who add color and inspiration, encouragement and in ecstasy to everything we touch.
Someone described it to me like this: "if there's a problem, a man's finger is like a compass- it will always point towards a woman." Women are not cherished here. They are looked down on, and are viewed at as a tool to please the man- from sex to washing laundry. They are expected to be treated like a dog, submissive to it's owner yet happy all the time.
In this fact I find pride in Americans fight for female equality, voting rights, and equal rights for income. Surly there will arise another Ghandi, or Alice Paul for the Indian women. There is yet to be a war fought here against women discrimination. I have a dream- to see the women free, yet the scary thing is, many of them don't. In my spare time, I read through the I Have a Dream speech. Dear Martin Luther Jr., how you inspired us all and put a hope in the hearts for freedom.

I spend the morning time after meditation sitting in Adeline’s class, observing and working on a website for YWAM. She has resorted to allowing the students watch an American sitcom in class, and afterwards talk about it. This morning, as I watched the show saturated in sexual humor, and crude joking, I became sickened again, and almost embarrassed at the truthfulness of how the characters portrayed the typical American character. The Koreans often asked me, “is that how it really is in the USA?” And I had to answer yes. I felt sick..
A couple days ago I was sitting by the pool talking with this really nice Indian woman who was a traveling software developer and has been to America several times. I asked what she thought of America. She shared she felt there to be “a huge lack of spirituality, in America and in the UK. People don’t help you, or care about you. I never met anyone who was genuine and honest there. “she said. I had to agree with her on a couple points, and sadly again was embarrassed for the corruption of my own country. And we claim to be a “Christian nation!”
One might say, “well I’m not a sexually saturated person, I just flip on the television and watch 1 or 2 hours of reality TV, or read a tabloid, or listen to pop music once in awhile.”
 But what these people don’t know is that their actions in a 1^st world country, effect all the other countries around them. Just because we don’t use the popular vote system in our federal elections, doesn’t mean we don’t individually have a voice. We have a voice, and are speaking out a negative image to other nations. People literally laugh at us. There is nothing truly nice to say about America from their perspective. The portrayal comes with one person deciding to stand up and speak. That will be me. That could be you. The change happens when you decide to not watch that offensive or suggestive movie, putting your money and time into compensating media. Individually we must invest in the integrity of our country.
   At times, I feel as if I am at war inside with my own culture. The thought of being in a fishbowl of a society circled around desire is sickening’s an American is not bettering anyone. My next steps in the future will be thought out carefully. What good is it to be traveling forever? There's always another country to see, always another adventure to have...

Thoughts cloud my mind, of what could be, of what I could do. I get so extremely passionate and carried away at times. But let me not forget that I am here right now, and let me not forget my conscience. Abandon not your purpose here. For when rubber meets the road, I am here on earth to know God and make him known. So I rest in the here and now, and trust in his faithfulness.