Goodbye Phuket!

Hello everyone,

I write at last!
Last night I got a little more rest than I have been getting. Didn't pull an all nighter partying, cuz I needed to get some sleep. Yesterday I woke up around noon and ran to Tesco's to buy a plane ticket through Asia Air. For some reason my card wasn't working and I asked the lady about it at the airport booth which she said there are too many people trying to scam cards from the USA, you will rarely find a foreign website that will let you use your American card. I also got a stainless steel cup, towel, apples, and deodorant. All of the hygiene products have whitening agents in the ingredients, to turn your skin white. I tried to find some soap, and deodorant that didn't have any in it, but couldn't, so in about 1 month I've decided I'm going to look like an albino.
It feels so weird leaving here...or just the thought that I'll be leaving. I started to pack my bag yesterday night, and every time I do, I realize my whole life is being carried around in a backpack. I even got rid of some things because I don't need much.
Plane ticket in hand, I went to say goodbye to my friend Caya, who I realized her name really isn't Caya- it's Two (like the number). She's not Japanese but from Laos, and had lived in Japan for most of her life. Ah! I felt so bad when I found out I had been calling her Caya the whole time. I walked in and she had Mr. Pie over, his wife and a little village boy as guests. They were sitting around the table enjoying drinks, conversation, and munching on dried sardines. She was so happy to see me, and so were everyone else. With what little English they did know, we were able to have a decent conversation, with an enormous amount of sarcasm. Caya(two) brought me in the back room of her shop after learning I was leaving for Chang Mai, and shared with me some wisdom and encouragement...and some other interpretations she has had about me. We were powwowing in the back and her friends left. We talked about love, and boys, and it was getting late so I left.

I find myself in the twilight zone often when I don't get enough rest. Nothing is clear, and I start asking myself...what if this, what if that? I start remembering all the bad things I have done in my life as a human and focus on trying to find inner peace within my own self I get in a cloud of confusion it seems. The only thing that brings me clarity is truth- never changing. I know without a doubt that God exist as the creator of the world, and everything, and love exist. The gospel is the perfect story of love. God set Jesus to died on the cross for us, and became fully man, so that when being fully man, and fully God, he could be the mediator and we could be with him one day. It's so beautiful and so awesome! I believe that 100% and nothing compares to the fellowship of the holy spirit.
But most of the people who call themselves Christians are absolute jerks, and don't care shit about anyone. Christians wear a mask and think they are doing some good. I have decided not to call myself a Christian anymore. The term Christianity is so blurred and confusing because of all the micro fractions in the church.What does it mean to be a Christian now? Nothing. The true message of why Jesus came has been lost. When I think about it, the last time the gospel and pure was when Jesus was here. And his words are pure and living still. Either Jesus was who he said he was, or he was a lier. And I don't think someone would live their whole life for others, and die a marter for the sake of a lie. No. Jesus is God, and died to save us from hell. The work is finished. The gospel is this: For God SO loved the world that he gave his only son, that whosoever believe in him shall be saved.
When it comes down to what I believe, I tell people I believe in God and I believe in Love. That's it. Because that is all I do believe. I don't have a religion, I don't follow practices or complete sacraments to bring me merit. I believe, and in that I have freedom. In God I have freedom. In the gospel I have freedom.
Not to say introspection is bad. But as I was discussing with Caitlin till 5am in the morning, the main difference between Buddhism and the gospel is.....
Buddhism teaches one to look inside to find peace. But- Christianity teaches one to look up.I don't know how someone could not look up and marvel at how amazing and rich creation is. One's eye is automatically drawn to the light, the sun, or up to the heavens. Even plants grow up to the sun, pointing to their creator.
I want to shout it to the world. People need to know they have freedom. And people need to know they are loved. By me. :)
Buddhism does teach some very important ways to view life, and I love it to a certain point. But then- how can I pretend that universal truth doesn't exist. How can I pretend that God doesn't exist? It's engraved in my mind.
I'm done ranting now.


Nicoli and I were up talking a few nights ago, and I can't remember if I posted this yet, but she said something really good. "Life is too short to not surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you."
Take a minute for that to sink in....
That is so true. Why waist time with people who leave you feeling down and depressed, or always are making you compromise yourself, or take more than they give. Life is TO short. And also too short not to tell everyone I love you so much!
I'm going by the post office, bookstore, dinner, and then coming back to pack my bag. I leave for Chang Mai at 7am in the morning tomorrow! Staying in a 6bed dorm room style hostel in the old town. Can't wait to start another adventure, and am missing my friends already that I have made here at the school.
Here's a final picture of everyone at that graduated from the school:

I'll be on Skype tonight (Sunday morning back home) at a Internet cafe around 9:30pm here, for about an hour. I'll be hooked up to a camera so you all can see my beautiful face, (:P)!